Single Black Female

By: Mary Fields

Posted: 3/5/08

Black women are protrayed negatively in the media. We're shown to the world as dumb, lazy, obese, weave scratching, finger pointing, neck rolling "Ashinkashays" who are perfectly content with six kids, six baby's fathers, and an unhealthy dependence on that check from the state every month. Those with a balanced view of Black women know these things to not be true. But what happens when the few men left in our community internalize this negative imagery? They abandon us, their Queens, for white women.
Today's Hip Hop lyrics prophesize it: "You know we keep that white girl, Christina Aguilera" Young Jeezy proclaims. "And when he get on, he'll leave your ass for a white girl" Kanye West warns today's marriageable black women about the hazards of expecting a black man to become and remain committed to us. The sad thing is that these rappers are not far off. Tyson Beckford, Taye Diggs, James Earl Jones, Quincy Jones, Bryant Gumble (who left his black wife after 26 years for his white mistress) and most notoriously Wesley Snipes are just a few names of successful black men who have chosen to share their lives and successes with white women, and not the women holding their communities together, without their help.
In a country where Blacks are still socially and economically unequal to whites and women are barely getting through society based on merit and not by sexuality, we're born with a double deficit; being black and being a woman. On top of this, black men are dying to gang related, drug related and other senseless violence, and being incarcerated for extended periods of time for felonies at alarming rates. As of 2001 approximately two million black males were or had been incarcerated. It's no surprise then that black women have the least amount of prospects of any other race in terms of marriageable men within the black race.
"A lot of times white women carry themselves better in the relationship…" explains Christina Spriggs, a 22 year old telemarketer who is in her first and only interracial relationship with a black male. She goes on to say, "We know how and when to shut up and act right in public; meaning we know to keep fights and conflict in the home and not handle things in front of people."
So let's really break it down. Why are black men choosing submissive, controllable white women instead of strong black Queens; women like their mothers and all of the other shining examples of black female---no, complete black strength while they were growing up? It is because of an internalized self hatred and the internalization of the imagery of the black woman as portrayed in main stream media outlets.
Shows like UPN's Girlfriends depict black women as oversexed, bossy, degrading, high maintenance mouth pieces. And yes, while followers of the show will argue that "Joan", the character played by Traci Ellis Ross (daughter of Diana Ross) is well educated, successful and on a path of positive self growth, she is also one of the lightest characters on the show. "Joan" happens to be weave-free and a beautiful size 8 at the largest with exotic eyes and a pointed nose (seemingly taken after her real life white father).
"Toni Childs", the bossy, egotistical, high maintenance, gold digger of the bunch and the character most resembling a black woman (played by actress Jill Marie Jones) is the most loudmouthed, annoying, train wreck of a character on the show.
"…black women are so aggressive and seemingly testosterone driven that Black men sometimes feel like they're arguing with another man…a lot of men don't feel like their manhood being challenged in every argument." says Mays again, trying to give reason for black men abandoning the women of their race. He finishes with "A white woman will let you be the man in an argument." Yeah…but you may wake up without your penis If your "well behaved" white woman takes a page from Loraina Bobbit's book.
But I still have hope and faith in my black King. I know he's out there, educated and successful with only one thing he feels is missing from him life---me! That is, a strong, equally educated , successful black woman to love and support him like our ancestors before us.